I should’ve looked the other way

The words for that song I did at the PASS Summit 2011 are as follows. On the Friday, I stopped where the bridge starts. Various recordings of it are making it to YouTube, such as here, where the song starts around 2:20 in.

I should’ve looked the other way

Verse 1:
My query sucks – it takes too long
So long I wrote this song
The plan’s not big – it ain’t a giant
And yet I have an angry client
Performance now has made her weary
So I’ve come in to fix her query
I promise I won’t ever fail her
Say “Trust me, love, I’m from Australia!”

Chorus:
I need to find you
But I don’t want to search every row
My predicate’s residual
My seek just runs too slow
I thought I’d caught a glimpse of you
Been searching for all day
But all along, I’d done it wrong
I should’ve looked the other way

Verse 2:
A trace is on, I know the reads
That fetch the bytes the query needs
There’s spooling from a CTE
They’ve got recursion needlessly
I need to dig a little further
I worry there might be a cursor
The DBA has the plan_handle
He says it’s not corrupt, he knows Paul Randal!

Repeat chorus

Bridge:
There is an index covering predicates with keys
But my developer has used inequalities
There is a range scan
Hiding truth
Hiding cost
Hiding you…

Repeat chorus x2

I should’ve looked the other way

© 2011 Rob Farley 😉

@rob_farley

12 thoughts on “I should’ve looked the other way”

  1. I haven’t been to PASS in more than 6 years.
    No company I’ve worked for since then will pay for it.
    PASS will eventually become the conference of consultants and media-supported folks.
    I’m glad you’re having a good time out there.

  2. Thanks everyone. 🙂
    @davepen : drop me a line and let’s talk about what would persuade your boss to send you there. If he doesn’t think it’s worthwhile, then let’s make some changes so that it is. You should see an address on the right of the blog site. I’m happy to discuss it with your boss as a board advisor. We can also try to see what else PASS could do to provide local support for you and your company. So seriously – drop me a line and tell your boss that you have the ear of someone on the board.

  3. I attended your pre-coference class and enjoyed.
    The song was great and thanks for sharing lyrics.
    Is it OK with you if we play/sing this at our Quaterly IT meeting.
    Thanks

  4. Awesome stuff Rob!!!!!!!
    He says it’s not corrupt, he knows Paul Randal!
    hahahaha..superb lyrics… Wish Im in America and I could attend PASS.
    I will do it one day and sing along with u 🙂
    -Aditya

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